A Marauder's iPod
by The Luna Complex
Summary: Luna has been challenged to write 10 songfics based off of a random shuffle. Enjoy :D
1. Intro: Luna vs Tonks!

"So, Luna, bet'cha can't write ten one-shots all based off songs that popped up on shuffle!" Tonks said, her bubblegum pink hair slightly falling in her eyes.

Luna simply raised a single, pale, eyebrow.

"Oh, yeah? Wanna bet?"

Tonksy let out an uncharacteristic giggle and put on an evil grin. "Yeah," she smirked, "You have so many random crap songs on there you probably couldn't do it."

Luna folded her thin, pasty white arms in front of her on the table and matched her evil grin perfectly.

"You're on." 

Luna and Tonks headed into Luna's room where Luna immediately opened up iTunes.

And so our story begins...

**Shuffle List:**

1. "Valiant" by The Spill Canvas 

**2. "The Queen and I" by Gym Class Heroes**

**3. "What's My Age Again?" by Blink 182**

**4. "Comin' Up From Behind" by Marcy's Playground**

**5. "You Blew Me Off" by Bare Jr.**

**6. "Starlight" by MUSE**

**7. "Miss Delaney" by Jack's Mannequin**

**8. "Change" by Good Charlotte**

**9. "Faking My Own Suicide" by Relient K**

**10. "Hyakugojyuuichi" by Lemon Demon**

**A/N: So... think I can do it? Actually, that wasn't the true shuffle. "One Armed Scissor" by Hellogoodbye was in there, but that song has no words. Haha. Also, Hyakugojyuuichi was number 9, but it's such a random nonsense song I decided it would be fun for a last piece. I tried to get out of writing it, but I couldn't. DARN YOU TONKSY. I love you anyway. It's kind of amusing that the Cruel Intentions soundtrack came up there twice in a row... IF YOU'VE NEVER SEEN IT I ADVISE YOU SEE IT NOW!!!!!**

**I know; I have no life. I sold it at a yard sale.**

**So as they say in Hyakugojyuuichi... "GET READY TO RUMBLE!"**


	2. Valiant

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or Spill Canvas. Or this amazing song, for that matter. I'm just a girl on a mission. (Cue secret spy music) Yes, the theme song **_**is**_** mine.**

_There's a special place inside my skull  
Where your DNA, it codes my cerebrum  
In full stuttering and drooling  
My shredded throat will try to sing for you_

James Potter fidgeted slightly and tugged at the collar of his dress robes.

_Is it hot in here, or is it just me?_

Today was his wedding day and he was nervous as hell. He had been waiting for this day for the better part of eight years, so why was he this nervous? He had everything planned out perfectly; nothing could go wrong. Why was he this nervous again? It was most likely the doing of that evil little gremlin whispering tormenting thoughts in the back of his mind.

What if she doesn't show? What if something bad happens? What if I make a fool out of my self? What if she has second thoughts? What if—

All coherent thoughts flew out the window. Lily, _his Lily_ was walking down the aisle, a smile lighting up her brilliant face. He couldn't move. He couldn't speak. He couldn't _think._

"Hey, mate," his best man, Sirius, whispered in his ear, "Might want to close your mouth now. You don't look very attractive."

James embarrassedly snapped his mouth shut. She always seemed to have this effect on him. He couldn't get near her without becoming an incoherent, bumbling idiot.

_What do you say? Would you marry me today?  
The moon would gush all inside out  
and my nightmares would go away  
What do you say? Would you devote yourself today?  
Like riding out a sinking ship as it lowers into the bay  
Please stay._

"I now pronounce you man and wife."

As James crashed his lips to his new wife's, he made a promise to himself that he would protect her forever. As long as she was his, he would never leave her side.

_The blood collects and flushes out your cheek bones  
I've got this secret garden and you are the only one who knows  
I'm stuttering and drooling  
My shredded throat will try to sing for you_

Lily's pale cheeks flushed a brilliant red as James shyly climbed on top of her.

God, she's beautiful.

"I love you," he whispered softly into her crimson locks.

"I love you too." She said it with such passion and truthfulness it nearly brought him to tears.

He buried his face in her neck as they began to make the journey of lovers together for the first time.

_I'm cutting ties with all the jealous zombies  
I need to feel your warm body on me_

James smiled serenely at the woman sleeping soundly in his arms.

As he drifted slowly to sleep, he knew he would die for her. He would protect her for all she was worth.

_When the sun goes down and the shadows grow  
Just trust in us and forever know  
Please keep holding on to me_

Three years later, he did just that.

**A/N: So, that didn't turn out at all how I wanted it. Of course, I had a few distractions. I jumped off of a building, failed to die, went to my friend's emo-corner, died artistically, became a zombie, and had a zombie tea party. Yeah, I have very strange conversations with my friends on AIM. Review? I'll give you a cookie!**

**By the way, this goes out you Meagan and Rae! (my fellow zombie tea partiers.)**


	3. The Queen and I

**Disclaimer: I'm J.K. Rowling. And if you believe that, I have a wannabe magical bridge to sell you.**

**I've always wanted to do a random Sirius/Emmeline. I don't really believe Emmeline is a drunkard... but hey, it's a challenge. I must complete it or Tonksy rules all. I CANNOT LET HER WIN!!!!!**

_I love it how she breathes booze in the mornin'  
Man, it's so sexy how she can't remember last night  
I made a fatal mistake letting her drink again  
Well who the hell am I to tell her how to live her life?_

Sirius Black woke up with the smell of booze washing over his face.

He sat up with a groan and clutched his head.

_Hangovers are a bitch._

He looked down at his sleeping girlfriend and smiled, remembering last night's events.

Slowly one olive green eye popped open and shut again. Sirius chuckled at her antics.

_Emmeline Vance._

He somehow knew he was going to regret letting her drink again, but hey, it was her life.

"What the hell happened last night, Sirius?"

Sirius simply chuckled and kissed her forehead.

_And if you could put dumb in a shot glass  
I'm just another lush who's had one too many in me  
And we please don't have enough  
I see you stand there, settle for anything, anything's better than lettin' her,  
'Cause she could do better than me  
She'll come around eventually_

He didn't know what he did to deserve her. Now, regularly, Sirius was _not_ a relationship kind of guy. But, twelve years in Azkaban really worked wonders on a man.

Of course, if Sirius Black _were_ to be in a relationship, the lucky girl would have to be... the type of girl you wouldn't expect to be in a relationship.

Emmeline Vance was exactly this type of girl.

That's why Sirius had a constant fear of being dumped. Emmeline Vance was _not_ a relationship-type girl, and he knew that if she _was_, she could do much better than him.

He was lucky to have what he did with her, now.

_'Cause baby girl's a queen  
And a queen is just a pawn with a bunch of fancy moves  
And she's made me a fiend  
I won't be withdrawn 'cause I got nothing to lose_

Ah, well. What did he have to lose?

He'd be with her for as long as she's let him.

_I find it funny she can never find her car keys  
Immediately after telling me she can't take it_

.o.o.o. _Later that day... _.o.o.o.

"ARRGGHH!!" Emmeline screeched.

"Sirius! Where the hell are my damn keys?!"

Sure, Emmeline was a witch, but she preferred traveling the muggle way.

"I don't know, sweetheart, maybe on your dresser again?" he called out, amused. This happened almost every day.

"UGH! Men!"

_She makes the cutest faces when she screams obscenities  
And slurs her words because she's never not inebriated_

Sirius chuckled to himself as she cursed violently, slurring her words as she went along.

She was adorable.

She was his adorable, permanently drunk girlfriend.

_And the front page that I'd read  
Let the girl go, you know you can do better  
It's bad, when the fact that you can't have her  
Is the reason you sweat her,  
Don't let her take advantage of you  
Like the other girls let her  
You better cut your losses now buddy._

Remus often tried to convince him to get rid of her and go after some other girl. Of course he was only trying to look after his dear besotted friend, but what the poor werewolf didn't realize was that Sirius was so deeply infatuated, he would never get through to him.

While everyone else seemed to think he could do better than Emmeline, Sirius still believed he was the luckiest man on Earth.

_Oh no,  
She's at the bottom of that bottle  
She's only one more swallow  
From being, oh, so hollow  
(Hey! Hey! Hey!)  
Bravo, she's at the bottom of that bottle  
She's only one more swallow  
From being, oh, so hollow_

Sirius was, once again, at Emmeline's house, once again, drinking himself into an early death.

He knew he shouldn't be doing this, or letting her do this for that matter, but at the moment, he just didn't care.

He watched cheerfully as she downed another bottle of firewhiskey then turned to him with that insatiable look in her eye.

Someone was going to get lucky tonight.

**A/N: Soooo, I left some of the words out. Before you yell at me, Tonksy, I very well could've added them, but to do that I probably would've had to have broken Sirius and Emmeline up. That would've ruined the mood of the story and I just didn't have the heart to do that to them.**

**Yet again I repeat, I DO NOT BELIEVE EMMELINE VANCE IS A DRUNK! DON'T FLAME ME ON THAT!**

**Just making that clear. :)**

**Now leave a review, please! It would raise my self-esteem so I can gather up enough confidence to submit something to our school's literary magazine. (Don't ask. I have a fear of rejection and it's easier to do it on Fanfiction where no one actually **_**knows**_** me.)**


	4. What's My Age Again?

**Disclaimer: If I owned Harry Potter **_**or **_**Blink 182, I wouldn't be pretending to be a zombie at a tea party right now. UGGGHHHNNN! (zombie noise)  
**

_I took her out, it was a Friday night  
I wore cologne to get the feeling right_

* * *

Sirius Black, well-known player and Head-Marauder smiled down at his flavor of the week.

_What was her name again? Livvy? Lizzy? Ah, whatever._

He smirked slightly as he lazily wrapped an arm around her waist.

"Mmmm," the girl sighed, "You smell good."

Sirius secretly thanked the cologne he stole from James.

_We started making out and she took off my pants  
But then I turned on the T.V._

* * *

A few hours later found the two of them at Sirius' small flat.

"Siriuuuus," girl-in-which-Sirius-still-needed-to-remember-her-name whined.

Being the extraordinary player that he was,_ (you just keep thinking that, Snuffleofagus)_ he knew exactly what to do...

After several heated minutes of making out, Sirius managed to get a glimpse of the clock.

Oh, shit! 

Sirius tore his mouth away from the over-enthusiastic girl and quickly turned on his muggle T.V.

_Damn Lily and getting me addicted to these muggle T.V. shows._

* * *

_And that's about the time she walked away from me  
Nobody likes you when you're twenty-three  
And are still more amused by T.V. shows_

* * *

As Sirius involved himself in the muggle T.V. show, "Ninja Warrior", Sirius' date whose name has yet to be discovered walked away in an angry huff.

He didn't even notice she had left until the show was over.

_What the hell is A.D.D.?  
My friends say I should act my age  
What's my age again?  
What's my age again?_

* * *

"And then she just left! Girls are so bloody complicated."

"Padfoot, mate," Sirius' best friend, fellow Marauder, and long-time brother James Potter replied, "Perhaps it was the fact that you chose 'Ninja Warrior' over her that made her decide to leave."

Sirius simply stared stupidly at his friend.

"Sirius, honey," James' fiancée, Lily Evans (the evil wrong-doer that introduced him to the muggle tellyvision in the first place) continued soothingly, "Have you ever heard of something called A.D.D.?"

Sirius just continued to stare stupidly.

"Guess not," Peter Pettigrew, another member of the Marauder crew murmured in her ear.

"Padfoot," Remus Lupin, a fourth member of the Marauders stated gently, "Perhaps you should try acting your age."

As his friends left his flat, one thought snaked it's way into Sirius' thoughts.

_What's my age again?_

* * *

_ Then later on, on the drive home  
I called her mom from a pay phone  
I said I was the cops  
And your husband's in jail  
This state looks down on sodomy_

* * *

Sirius snickered as he made his way to the muggle fellytone... or whatever Lily called it. Lily had installed one in his house so he communicate with her the muggle way.

He quickly dialed the number written on a hot pink sticky note. It rested in neat scrawl under the name "Brittany Smith".

_Ohhhh, so that's her name._

He snickered to himself as he heard the fellytone begin to ring.

_Ring._

_Ring._

_Ring._

"Hello?" an older female voice answered.

"Hello, Mrs. Smith?" Sirius said in a deep voice, quite unlike his own.

"Yes?"

"This is Oliver Davies from the Surrey police. I'm calling to inform you that your husband has been put into jail. I'm not sure if you were aware, ma'am, but sodomy is looked down upon around here."

* * *

_And that's about the time that bitch hung up on me  
Nobody likes you when you're twenty-three  
And are still more amused by prank phone calls  
What the hell is call-ID?_

* * *

"Nice try, Mr. Black."

That's when he heard a click and went back to the ringing tone.

_Damn it._

* * *

_And that's about the time she walked away from me  
Nobody likes you when you're twenty-three  
And you still act like you're in freshmen year  
What the hell is wrong with me?  
My friends say I should act my age  
What's my age again?  
What's my age again?_

* * *

"Sirius," came a gentle voice from behind him.

"Yeeees my darling Brittany?" he drawled, proud of himself for remembering her name.

"I heard what you did last night. That was really immature."

Sirius gulped. She sounded pretty angry. He wasn't good with angry girls. He had the scars to prove it.

"I think maybe we should break up. Try acting your _age._"

Sirius let out a sigh of relief.

_Glad that's over with._

* * *

_That's about the time that she broke up with me  
No one should take themselves so seriously  
With many years ahead to fall in line  
Why would you wish that on me?  
I never want to act my age.  
What's my age again?  
What's my age again?_

**A/N: Isn't this so Sirius-ly Sirius? (Okay... ignore the use of over-used pun.) I actually wanted to do this ages ago... but I never got around to it. Thank you shuffle gods for being kind!!! So far...**

**I left the lyrics at the end because I can totally picture Sirius just plain saying that. Wh00t! Go Marauders!**

**Leave a review! This time I have hobo pies! Or muffins. Or zombie cookies (left over from the tea party). Your choice!! **


	5. AN: Tare Panda Gets Kidnapped!

Luna Lovegood sat pouring over her essay in the Ravenclaw common room.

"Hmm... and therefore... and... in conclusion... DONE!"

"Finally," a certain voice drawled from the back of the room.

"Tonks?" Luna inquired, "How did you get in here?"

"Never mind that. I have your Tare Panda and I won't give it back until you update that shuffle story!"

"NOOOOOO!"

Luna jumped off and ran as fast as she could after the pink-haired offender. Although Luna was a much faster runner than Tonks, gravity controls all and forced Luna to fall down the stairs.

"Owwwwww..."

The last thing she heard before blacking out was Tonks' evil laughter.

**A/N: My friends are evil. Yes, I am aware that this was a pointless chapter. But, she really did take my Tare Panda.**


	6. Comin' Up From Behind

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, Marcy Playground, or Cruel Intentions, which I based this off of. The only thing I own is this poor little Tare Panda I rescued from Tonksy.**

**A/N: Guess what! Guess what! I didn't fall off the face of the Earth or get abducted into twilight and turn into a wolf or anything of the sort! I just had this ridiculous project called literary criticism. But, I'm done now. I hope I did well on it.**

**This is obviously based off of Cruel Intentions... and if you haven't seen it GO SEE IT NOW. Since this song is mostly metaphorical... I didn't divide it into sections so I'll just put the lyrics here for the heck of it. (Set in 5****th**** year)**

_Ah, She's an eight ball,  
She's a'rollin faster than a white wall,  
She's got an avalanche packed into a snowball,  
She's a losin all the links,  
She's like a stonewall,  
She's loaded up,_

_She's the underdog,  
Gonna take a mighty swipe  
At the high horse,  
While'a sippin on her tricks  
In a pitfall,  
Makin eyes at the girls like bullfrogs,  
I'm telling you, sir,_

_She's comin' up from,  
comin' up from, comin' up,  
comi'n up from behind,_

_Yeah,  
She's comin' up from,  
comin' up from, comin' up,  
comin' up from behind,_

_You'd like her hanging  
Like a sneaker on a live wire, dangling,  
While your Wall Street pockets are jangling  
With the hollow jackpot of your rich kid games,_

_It's a longshot,  
She's got a troop and a tongue for a slingshot,  
But she's takin' steady aim  
At the bigshots,  
It's hard to miss the rolling-polies  
On the blacktop,  
You better watch your turf,_

_She's comin' up from,  
comin' up from, comin' up,  
comin' up from behind,_

_Yeah,  
She's comin' up from,  
comin' up from, comin' up,  
comin' up from behind,_

_You had her hanging  
Like a sneaker on a live wire, dangling,  
While your golden-lined pockets were jangling  
With the hollow jackpot of your wretched games,_

_She caught your sick lie,  
It's creepin' in the shadow of your white smile,  
Lurking underneath the cover of your bedroom eyes,  
Well, you're greasin' up the lance for your small-fry,_

_You wanna talk it up, do you?  
Well you're floatin' like a royal balloon -- oh,  
Your ego's swollen to the size of the moon, well,  
I think you found somebody to cut you down to size.  
Well well,_

_Yeah,  
She's comin' up from behind,  
She's comin' up from behind,_

_Yeah,  
She's comin' up from behind,  
She's comin' up from behind..._

**Dumbledore's P.O.V.**

As Headmaster of a school full of rambunctious and devious teenagers, you get too meet quite a few... interesting people and live through quite a few... interesting experiences. Though I must say, out off all of my students, none have amused me so much as Lily and James Potter. Excuse me, Lily _Evans_ and James Potter.

It was February 2nd, 1966...

James Potter and Sirius Black were laughing. Loudly. Regarding the fact that I was a newly appointed headmaster, I decided that perhaps I should make sure they weren't up to something. But, of course, they were marauders. Of_course_ they were up to something.

"Blimey, she's so bloody frigid she could probably freeze Hell over," came the jeering voice of none other than Sirius Orion Black.

"That was lame, Pads," James' slightly amused voice retorted.

There was a small bout of silence. I'm just guessing that this time was spent glaring at each other. And my guesses are usually right.

"Well, Mr. I'm-So-High-And-Mighty Prongs, how about a small wager?"

Another short pause.

"That depends," James' voice came, rather reluctantly, might I add, "What kind of wager?"

"Bed Little Ms. I'm-So-Pure-and-Chaste-and-Bloody-Frigid Livvy or whatever her name is by the end of the year."

"End of the year?" James scoffed, indignantly, "I'll have her within the week. _No_girl can resist the Potter charm! What are the stakes?"

"100 galleons. Deal?"

"Deal."

And so began the legacy of James Potter and Lily Evans...

**James' P.O.V.**

After weeks and weeks and weeks and weeks... well, you get the point. It wasn't that many weeks anyway and... oh, let me start over.

After a few days of planning, I was finally ready to take on Padfoot's challenge. Actually, the planning was really to find out was her name. I mean, how hard could it be right? Gosh, if only I knew what I was getting myself into...

"Evans! Hey, EVANS!"

She spun around; obviously shocked that anyone would be talking to her. I calmly approached and immediately began engaging her in deep conversation.

"Go out with me, Evans?"

Pretty tactful, if I do say so myself. She looked pretty shocked, anyway.

She shook her head dumbly and walked away.

It took a bit for the shock to sink in.

I, James Potter, had just been rejected. By a _girl_. Not that I'd asked out any guys or anything... but still.

"PADFOOT!"

**Sirius' P.O.V.**

"Checkmate!"

Damn him. Too damn smart for his own damn good. Bloody werewolf.

I take it you've gathered by now I'm a pretty sore loser. Anyway, back to the story.

"PADFOOT! PADFOOT! PADFOOT!"

I nearly fell out of my seat.

"Prongs? What's up?"

"PADFOOOOOOOOT!"

Moony and I exchanged a "look".

Simultaneously, we each grabbed an arm and forced Prongs down on a common room sofa.

"Now," Moony began, "Tell us what's wrong, _calmly_."

"You sound like my mother," Prongs said, affronted.

"Thanks for that, Prongs."

"Any time."

"As much as I'm enjoying this," I interrupted, "I _am_ rather curious as to why buddy Prongs here burst into the common room shouting my name."

James' face immediately

"I got _rejected_, Padfoot. By a _girl!_"

Peter Pettigrew, better known as Wormtail, chose that moment to enter the common room.

"You've asked out a guy before?"

"That's NOT the point. The point is, I was REJECTED! Me, James _Potter_!"

"Calm down, Prongs, it's not the end of the world..."

"How many girls have rejected _you_, Padfoot! That's right, none! So..."

"JAMES!" I interrupted, "Calm down. Who rejected you?"

"Lizzy or LeeLee or whatever-her-name-is Evans."

"You mean Lily?" Moony inquired.

"Yeah, her."

"No wonder," Wormtail sniggered, "You can't even remember her name."

"That's besides the point," James answered, his ears turning a slight shade of pink.

"I really don't think you guys should be doing this," Remus sighed. Bloody heroic git.

"Stay out of it, Moony," I retorted.

"Really, I don't think she deserves this... Lily's a nice girl and..."

"_Silencio._"

Moony stormed off in an angry, yet silent, huff. Got to love those silencing charms.

"My advice, dear old friend, would be to just keep trying."

"You mean... ask her out again?"

"As many times as need be."

"I don't think this is such a good idea, guys...," Peter started to inject, but he immediately shut up at the sight of my wand in his face.

"That's a good boy, Wormy."

"As I was saying, just keep asking her out. She has to say yes _sometime._"

"Think it'll work?"

"Go get 'er, Prongs!"

**Remus' P.O.V.**

Never in my life will I fully understand why I made friends with the people I did. Sure, the whole animagus thing is pretty noble... but still. What kind of friend puts a silencing charm on another friend?

I was quite busy storming away angrily, yet silently, when I accidentally knocked someone over.

A small red-haired someone.

A small red-haired Lily Evans someone.

Perfect.

I offered my hand and clumsily pulled her up.

"Thank you."

I waved away her thanks.

"It's Remus, isn't it? Remus Lupin?"

I nodded.

"Is... something... wrong?"

Another nod.

"Oh, dear, it's a silencing charm, isn't it?"

Damn, she's smart. Another nod.

"Oh, let me help you with that. _Finite_."

"Thank you."

"No problem," she replied, shyly, "I owed you."

"What," I scoffed, "For knocking you over? I was just being a gentleman. In all actuality, I owe _you_ now."

The poor thing looked a bit confused. "I... don't think there's anything I need from you. But, thanks anyway, I guess."

"How about this," I said, "I can provide you with some information."

"What kind of information?" she asked, hesitantly.

"Valuable information," I stated, simply.

Glare.

"Okay, okay, I can tell you why James Potter asked you out today."

Hook.

"Oh, really, why is that?"

Line.

"A bet."

And sinker.

"What?" she asked, resentfully.

"Well, you see, Sirius Black, I'm sure you know him, bet James that he wouldn't be able to bed you by the end of the year and..." I was cut off by an indignant screech.

"WHAT? Oh, you'll pay, James Potter."

Ahh, if only he knew what he got himself into.

**Lily's P.O.V.**

Once upon a time, I was well-behaved perfect prefect goody-two-shoes Lily Evans.

Once upon a time, I decided I no longer wanted to be well-behaved perfect prefect goody-two-shoes Lily Evans.

You want to know who stimulated that decision?

Yes. You do.

James Bloody Potter.

After that Remus Lupin told me what he and that idiot Black were planning, it was no more Ms. Well-Behaved Perfect Prefect Goody-Two-Shoes Lily Evans.

I remember the day vividly...

_You wanna talk it up, do you?  
Well you're floatin' like a royal balloon -- oh,  
Your ego's swollen to the size of the moon, well,  
I think you found somebody to cut you down to size_.

"Evans!" Gosh, his voice just made me want to crack something over that stupid enflamed head of his.

I turned around and waited for him, a very, very forced smile on my face.

"Can I help you?" I asked as politely as possible.

"Sure," he drawled, that irksome smirk of his perfectly in place, "Go on a date with me to Hogsmeade this weekend."

"I'd rather date the giant squid, Potter."

THE BEGINNING.

**A/N: I agree... the end was very, very cheesy, but I couldn't help myself. I actually ended up throwing the lyrics in there. I just thought that part described LJ perfectly, no? Oh, and who caught the Deathly Hallows reference? "Have a guess then," eh? So, I promise, I'll try and update faster. Review? For the Tare Panda?**

**Much loves, Luna.**


	7. You Blew Me Off

**Disclaimer: I'm not a famous singer nor am I a famous writer. I'm just a high school student who owns nothing but the soy nuts I'm eating and the teal hair clip in my hair.**

**Songfic to 'You Blew Me Off' by Bare Jr. Another Cruel Intentions song! Seriously, if you haven't seen that movie, go see it right now. I heard Bittersweet Symphony on the radio this morning. xD You should listen to it. It's an amazing Cruel Intentions song.**

A self-satisfied smirk crept its way upon James Potter's face as he saw the woman of his dreams, Lily Evans, coming around the corner with a group of friends.

"Evans! Hey, EVANS!"

_When I said,  
"I love you"  
You blew me off  
It turned me on_

She turned sharply to face him, glare perfectly in place.

"What do you want, Potter?" She spat out his name like it was some kind of curse. It was incredibly sexy.

"I love you," he stated, cocky grin plastered upon his handsome face as he ran his hands arrogantly through his untidy hair.

She rolled her eyes and began to walk away from him, friends in tow.

Gosh, it turned him on.

_You blew me off (it turned me on)  
You blew me off (it turned me on)  
You blew me off it turned me on_

"Evans, wait up!"

She didn't even bother stopping this time. Of course, this excited him more than it deterred him.

He managed to catch up to her and grabbed a hold of her elbow.

She whipped around to face him with an angry glint her eye, ready to tell him off, very loudly. He couldn't take it anymore.

He kissed her.

_All or nothing  
More or less  
You assault me ruthlessly  
Oh, you're the best_

She pushed him away as soon as his lips touched hers and slapped him with a resounding smack.

"What the hell was that, Potter?" she screeched.

"Er..." he started, but she didn't let him continue.

"You think you can just waltz on up to someone and kiss them like that? Well, you can think again, Potter! I'd watch your... MMPH!"

Lily was interrupted.

By another kiss.

This could only end in tears.

_You don't understand you see  
You're not suppose to take on me  
You don't understand you see  
That's just how it's got to be_

She pushed him away roughly and for good measure, kneed him in the crotch before storming off angrily.

_Someday she'll learn to stop taking me on, _he thought through tears of pain,_She'll realize how sexy it makes her look. Or, maybe she already knows and is doing this to torture me. Probably the latter._

He decided against chasing after her this time.

**A/N: Short little oneshot, isn't it? I didn't include all the lyrics because one: James' name isn't Bobby and two: James would probably be ecstatic for Lily to give him a hug. You know what I'm talking about if you've ever actually heard the whole song.**

**I updated fast to make up for the fact that it took so long last time. Stay tuned... for STARLIGHT! Actually, I'm not sure how I'm going to do that one, yet... it might be another long wait...**

**Leave a review! I'll give you soy nuts and Christmas cookies! You can also have a never-opened bag of Skittles; I don't eat them because they have gelatin in them. I'm a vegetarian. :) So, make a vegetarian happy and review, review, review!**


	8. Starlight

**Disclaimer: I own nothing is my cell wallpaper that flames Umbridge. (Pretty cool, eh?)**

**I'm so sorry for not updating. Teachers seem to have this conspiracy to slam everything on you at once. I should be researching Anna Akhmatova right now... but I decided to do this instead. You should feel very, very special.**

**The song is by MUSE, if you didn't already know that.**

_Far away  
This ship has taken me far away  
Far away from the memories  
Of the people who care if I live or die_

"Prongs!"

James Potter looked up from his spot on the couch in front of the fireplace.

"What is it, Sirius?"

He didn't particularly want to be disturbed right now. He had just recently been rejected, yet again, by a certain redhead who goes by the name of Lily Evans.

I don't get it. I've changed. I know it. She knows it.

"Prongs!" He started. He hadn't realized he had drifted off again.

"Sorry, Padfoot, I've been a bit distracted lately."

"No, really?" came Sirius Black's exasperated voice. "You've _got_ to get out of this Evans funk, Prongs!"

For some inexplicable reason he felt angry. Angry at Sirius, but more importantly, angry with himself.

"You don't understand!" he shouted, standing up and stomping off to the Head's dorms. He knew Sirius had a point; he _had_ been brooding about his failed attempt at a love life with Lily Evans to the point of not talking to his friends hardly at all anymore.

He turned around and hit the nearest wall, swearing as his hand made contact with the rough stone.

_Starlight I will be chasing a starlight  
Until the end of my life  
I don't know if it's worth it anymore_

James Potter sat on the ledge of a window in the Head's dorms, just looking out at the night sky.

Starlight.

That's what she was to him. She was as unreachable, unfathomable, and invaluable as the starlight dotting the velvet sky.

It was pathetic, pitiable even the way he pursued her. He should've learned by now that you can't catch starlight.

_Hold you in my arms  
I just wanted to hold  
You in my arms_

Frankly, he didn't care. He closed his eyes and leaned his head against the cool glass of the window overlooking the grounds.

If Lily Evans was the starlight, then he'd be the twilight surrounding her. He had always loved the nighttime, anyway.

A small smile worked its way onto his face as he imagined what it must feel like to hold her close to him.

_My life  
You electrify my life  
Let's conspire to ignite  
All the souls that would die just to feel alive_

At the risk of sounding cliché, he imagined there would be fireworks exploding somewhere deep inside his gut.

At the risk of sounding like a complete and utter sap, he imagined it would be like dancing among the starlight that he himself was so very fond of.

He didn't necessarily fancy falling asleep in such an awkward position so he reluctantly forced himself to open his eyes.

He started again as he glanced out the window.

Lily.

He found his feet carrying him in a dream-like state outside to the grounds by the lake where he found her simply laying there, the starlight reflecting in her eyes.

_I'll never let you go  
If you promise not to fade away  
Never fade away_

"Have you ever wondered what it would be like to fall through the sky?"

James nearly jumped out of his skin. He hadn't known she had realized his presence.

He slowly walked over to her and lay down beside her. She didn't protest.

When he failed to respond, she turned her head slightly to look at him. The starlight was reflecting in her eyes.

"Lily..." he found himself whispering, "I've tried to change. I have. This is the last time I'm asking. Please, give me a chance. Say no, and I'll never bother you again." 

"James..."

He glanced over at her face only to find she had turned back upwards toward the sky. There were tears gripping the corners of her eyes, trying not to fall.

_Starlight_, he found himself stupidly thinking.

He closed his eyes and silently willed her to go on. She stood up and turned her back to him.

"I don't want to let myself be with you if I'm just going to lose you in the end."

He didn't even have to ask her what she meant. He was well aware of the fact that he had a reputation of being some sort of a player.

"Lily, nothing but the words I say now can assure you that I'm not going anywhere."

_Hold you in my arms  
I just wanted to hold  
You in my arms_

He came around behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. A bolt of electricity shot through him, scorching all emotions in its path except the lingering feeling of security and the knowledge that says, "Hey, this is how it should be."

She turned in his arms and buried her head in his chest.

_And I'll never let you go  
If you promise not to fade away  
Never fade away._

**A/N: I know, I could've continued onto their death and whatnot... but I'm not in the mood for sad stories right now.**

**I need an idea for my chapbook for Creative Writing.**

**I was thinking of doing a) slips of paper kept in a music box, b) a CD case with CDs in it that are decorated with poetry, c) defacing Through the Looking Glass (trust me, it sounds horrible but the way I picture it is pretty neat), or d) just do a normal old chapbook.**

**Anyone who leaves their suggestions in a review gets a super-special cookie and an applause in my next chapter. Anyone who leaves a review gets a semi-super-special cookie and an applause in my head. Anyone who reads and leaves... gets absolutely nothing. Shame on you.**

**Flames will be used to keep me warm in this upcoming snowstorm.**


	9. Miss Delaney

**Disclaimer: Andrew McMahon is my future boyfriend. As for J.K. Rowling? I think you know by now that I'm not her.**

**Have some imagination. Lily's Delaney and Julia's Arin.**

**Dedication: Meagan, Angie, and Natalie for helping me escape the super birthday party of doom this Saturday by taking me to the Mardi Gras dance, and all the Jack's Mannequin fans out there. Sadly there isn't enough.**

**_Warning: There is some vulgar language in the song lyrics, so if you don't like it, don't read them._**

**(-o.o)- ! -(o.o)- ! -(o.o-)**

_Finally  
I'm letting go of all my downer thoughts  
In no time there'll be one less sad robot  
Looking for a chance to be Something more than just metal_

**(-o.o)- ! -(o.o)- ! -(o.o-)**

Five months.

It had been five months since his life had fallen apart.

Five months since his former girlfriend, Lily Evans simply walked out of his life.

**::Flashback::**

"_James!" she cried, exasperatedly, "I can't do this anymore! All we do is fight!"_

"_But, Lily..."_

"_No! I'm sorry James." And just like that, she left him standing there, in the middle of Hogsmeade, dumbfounded and shattered beyond belief._

"_Lily..."_

**::End Flashback::**

**(-o.o)- ! -(o.o)- ! -(o.o-)****  
**

_Now I'm going part-time  
With a film projectionist  
And she's the vinyl queen  
From my surfer dream  
She likes the Beach Boys  
More than radio metal_

**(-o.o)- ! -(o.o)- ! -(o.o-)**_  
_

Julia.

He should be thinking about Julia, his current girlfriend.

Not Lily.

Julia Anders was beautiful and every way imaginable. Honestly, she was every man's fantasy walking around on two legs. 

Not only did she have an incredibly curvaceous body and a very lascivious aura about her, but she also had a wicked sense of humor.

She was ambitious; she worked as a muggle film projectionist in the States.

She was vivacious; she was often found rocking out the Beach Boys, a muggle band, when she wasn't working.

She _did_ have a strange... fixation with muggles, but it was just one of the quirks that made her so entirely lovable. Honestly, any man would die to be in his place right now.

**(-o.o)- ! -(o.o)- ! -(o.o-)**

_And she's so good  
But she's no good for me_

**(-o.o)- ! -(o.o)- ! -(o.o-)**

But, to him, it didn't feel right.

Her delicate, tinkling laugh wasn't loud or cheerful.

Her short, brown hair wasn't long and red.

Her olive eyes weren't bright green.

She never contradicted him.

She never fought with him.

She wasn't Lily.

**(-o.o)- ! -(o.o)- ! -(o.o-)**

Julia had gone out with her friends for the night, leaving James plenty of time to wallow in his own misery.

He _should_ be over her by now, but he wasn't. Why wasn't he?

Not fully conscious of what he was doing, he slipped on a pair of shoes and a jacket before speeding out of his house.

He had always known where she lived. It wasn't too far from him. He never thought he would actually find himself running there, though.

Ten minutes later found him panting and freezing outside Lily Evans' house.

_What am I doing here? What if she's married? What if she has kids? What if she doesn't even live here anymore?_

But before his body could process his brain's protests, he found himself banging on her front door.

"Potter, what are you doing here?"

A particularly frazzled-looking Lily had opened the door. Her hair was unruly and uncombed, her eyes were tired and bloodshot, and she was wearing her frumpiest, lumpiest, most comfortable sweatpants that hid the curves of her bum he so adored.

_She looks beautiful..._

Maybe it was a bit cliché, but in his opinion, she would look like a goddess in a potato sack.

"I-I..." He was lost for words. Why _was_ he here? He had a _girlfriend._

She raised a single, delicate eyebrow in response.

"What's wrong?"

The question threw her off. "What are you talking about, Potter?"

Glad to have temporarily deviated from the topic of his being there, he pressed on.

"You look miserable. What happened?"

"It's none of your concern, Potter."

He flinched at her tone. She was right. She wasn't his anymore. Last time he had heard from her, she had a boyfriend.

Something clicked.

"Did your wanker boyfriend do something to you?"

Something in her expression changed for half a second before she set it back to the usual glare.

"I said, it's none of your concern!" she shouted, slamming the door in his face.

"Lily!"

"Go away, Potter!"

**(-o.o)- ! -(o.o)- ! -(o.o-)**

_Oh, Miss Delaney  
What's the matter?  
You waited by the window  
(You waited by the window)  
I waited by the door_

**(-o.o)- ! -(o.o)- ! -(o.o-)**

James Potter was a persistent man.

When he wanted something, he went after it until he got it.

... And he wanted to know what was wrong with his Lily.

_Not yours. Shut up._

He had started coming to her house every day, always waiting by the door, always waiting for her to crack.

This tradition continued for nearly a month, until one day he saw her watching him.

_Watching him._

He had seen her glancing out the window for him one day when he was walking up. He pretended not have noticed and waited by the door as usual.

Eventually, his patience began to wear thin. After waiting by her door for the usual amount of time, he decided to leave her a note.

_Lily, I saw you watching me through your window. I know you were waiting for me. You can't hide it anymore._

_- James_

**(-o.o)- ! -(o.o)- ! -(o.o-)**

_Oh, Miss Delaney  
Where's your boyfriend?  
He isn't up in Heaven  
So why treat him like he's dead?_

**(-o.o)- ! -(o.o)- ! -(o.o-)**

The next time he came to her house, it was to run into one of Lily's old friends, Alice, who had just recently gotten married to an old friend of _his_, Frank Longbottom.

"Wotcher Alice," he greeted her.

He had to admit he was shocked when the usually sweet-tempered Alice turned to him with an icy glare.

"Leave her alone, Potter. You don't know what she's been through. She doesn't need your shite right now."

"I just want to know what's wrong," James pleaded with her, softly.

He sounded so pathetic and hopeless she had to soften. She was well aware of the fact that it was Lily who had broken it off. James never would have given up on her so easily.

"She was hurt, James. She really doesn't want to talk about it."

"It was him, wasn't it? Her boyfriend?"

"... Yeah, it was. But, please, don't tell her I told you anything. In her eyes, it's_her_ fault he left her. She thinks she wasn't good enough for him."

"That's..."

"I know," Alice interrupted, sharply, ceasing any unpleasant words he had to say on the matter.

Her face softened again as she looked to the door.

"I'll see you later, James, but please, just leave her be. She doesn't need all this right now."

**(-o.o)- ! -(o.o)- ! -(o.o-)**

_It's not that every day  
Every day is coming up with the green grass  
But the times pass when I think of you  
Whenever I'm at dinner_

**(-o.o)- ! -(o.o)- ! -(o.o-)**

"James? Something bothering you, love?"

He sighed as her looked into Julia's olive-green eyes. They just weren't... well, Lily's.

He felt bad about lying to her, though.

She didn't know where exactly he went when he ran out of the house everyday at precisely five-o-clock. To her knowledge, he was simply going out for a run. She never questioned him on it; she trusted him that much.

And it hurt to know that he could hurt her. She didn't deserve it.

"James?" Her concerned voice floated over him, shaking him from his thoughts, yet again.

"It's nothing."

_Liar, liar._

**(-o.o)- ! -(o.o)- ! -(o.o-)**

_Finally  
I've found someone to dull this lonely scene  
I won't my nights searching for earthquakes  
Though it's biblical how fucked my sleep can be  
But she won't sleep with me_

**(-o.o)- ! -(o.o)- ! -(o.o-)**

James sighed to himself as he looked over at his sleeping girlfriend.

She deserved better.

She didn't deserve a lying boyfriend like himself.

He hadn't been able to sleep lately. All his thoughts were focused on Lily.

Julia wasn't much help. She wanted to wait for marriage before sleeping with him.

James wasn't going to push her, though.

She didn't deserve to have her virginity taken away by a royal _arse_ such as himself... as Lily had.

He closed his eyes and fought the memories.

**(-o.o)- ! -(o.o)- ! -(o.o-)**

_From here you can't find everything  
Arin, I would never lie to you_

**(-o.o)- ! -(o.o)- ! -(o.o-)**

"James, please, there's something bothering you, and I want to know what it is!"

James quickly turned around to face his girlfriend, shocked to see tears threatening to spill from her eyes.

"Julia..."

"No! James, please, tell me what it is."

"I-" he was lost for words.

He was hypocrite. A bloody hypocrite.

He had been bothering Lily for weeks trying to get her to tell him, an ex-boyfriend she most likely could care less about, and he couldn't even tell his girlfriend what was on his mind.

"Julia, I... think we should break up."

It was her turn to stutter.

"I- I recently realized something," he continued.

"What's that, James?" came her shaking voice.

"I never really fell out of love with someone."

"Lily Evans."

It wasn't a question; it was a statement. Of course she had known all about their previous romance.

"Yeah..."

Tears were running down her face and her head was shaking back and forth, trying to process everything that was going on.

"I'm sorry, Julia. I really am. I- I didn't deserve you. I'm sorry."

And with that, he walked out of her life, just as Lily had his.

**(-o.o)- ! -(o.o)- ! -(o.o-)**

_Oh, Miss Delaney  
What'cha sad for?  
You waited by the window  
I was kicking down your door_

**(-o.o)- ! -(o.o)- ! -(o.o-)**

"Lily!"

He wasn't sure how he kept finding himself there, but he was at her house again, quite literally banging down her door. Or at least attempting to.

"Lily, please! Open up!"

"God James, what do you _want_?"

"You."

And with that he kissed her. Hard.

And she kissed back.

**(-o.o)- ! -(o.o)- ! -(o.o-)**

_Oh, Miss Delaney  
Where's your boyfriend?  
He isn't up in Heaven  
So why treat him like he's dead?_

**(-o.o)- ! -(o.o)- ! -(o.o-)**

"I love you," he panted once they broke apart.

"I love you, too," she replied after a beat.

And they were Lily and James again.

**(-o.o)- ! -(o.o)- ! -(o.o-)**

_Oh, Miss Delaney_

**A/N: Ew, I hate it. But I feel terrible and I'm not up to revising it. Ah, well. That's what happens when you get crazy Maryland weather, you get sick. Weather isn't supposed to go from 70 (21) degrees to 29 (-2) in two days. (See? I can Celsius, too, I'm not a retarded American... :) )**

**And here's a special round of applause to my dear reviewers who helped me pick a chapbook idea.**

**DA-DA.Witch**

**ProngsandPadfootsayhello**

**La Femme Du Lac**

**Two out of three voted for the music box... so I went with it and it ended up being the favorite in my class. Thanks so much, guys!**


	10. Change

**Disclaimer: Proud Good Charlotte junkie. Not proud Harry Potter author.**

**Dedication: Mara (DA-DADA.Witch), for finally spelling out "roflmao" right. :)**

**(-o.o)- -(o.o)- -(o.o-)**

_I am lost in the see-thru  
Think you lost yourself too  
Through all of this confusion  
I hope I somehow get to you_

**(-o.o)- -(o.o)- -(o.o-)**

He clenched and unclenched his fist continuously to try to calm his nerves.

Just looking at her made him like this.

It was ridiculous... but he couldn't help it.

He spent all his time now-a-days worrying about her.

She was muggleborn, a title not safe to wear during times of war.

Her family was in danger; _she_ was in danger.

He didn't know what he would do if anything ever happened to her.

Was it selfish of him, though, that through all this mess and confusion and war... he still wanted her to be his?

**(-o.o)- -(o.o)- -(o.o-)**

_I practiced all the things I'd say  
To tell you how I feel  
And when / finally get my chance  
It all seems so surreal_

**(-o.o)- -(o.o)- -(o.o-)**

Every night in his head he'd go over everything he would say her given the chance.

But, now, standing in front of her, alone, his throat felt dry, his tongue swollen.

"James?"

There was a faint question in her voice. He knew what it meant.

He let out a sigh.

He would tell her everything. He would get it over with. She deserved to know.

"Don't worry about it, Lils."

**(-o.o)- -(o.o)- -(o.o-)**

_'Cause from the first time I saw you  
I only thought about you  
I didn't know you_

**(-o.o)- -(o.o)- -(o.o-)**

He remembered the first time he ever saw her.

It was at the Sorting ceremony.

While all the other kids looked so nervous walking up to that stool, she had looked so proud. So confident.

From then on he knew she was different.

He often found his thoughts straying to her during boring lessons.

Her initials often found themselves scratched onto his homework or carved into his desks.

He began studying her: the way she would push her hair back with the end of her quill, the way she would put the tip of her forefinger in her mouth when she was thinking, the way her foot tapped when she was angry or impatient, even the way she spat out his name when he upset her.

Yet, he didn't know her.

He didn't know a thing about her, until this year.

This year, they had gotten closer.

He learned all the little things about her he didn't know before and he actually _knew_ her.

He loved her even more for it.

**(-o.o)- -(o.o)- -(o.o-)**

_I wanted to hold on to  
All the things you wouldn't say to me_

**(-o.o)- -(o.o)- -(o.o-)**

The things she had said to him hurt him, even if he didn't show it.

But he got over it.

Instead, he held onto the things she _wouldn't_ say to him, the things he could only hear in his dreams.

His dreams filled with Lilys who loved him and Jameses that didn't screw everything up by acting like a bloody wanker in front of her.

**(-o.o)- -(o.o)- -(o.o-)**

'_Cause you said_  
"_You can't change the way you feel"  
(I could never do that, I could never do that)_

**(-o.o)- -(o.o)- -(o.o-)**

He remembered the end of last year.

Out of everything she had said to him, nothing had hurt him more than what she had said that day.

She was sitting in the common room, alone, when he, Sirius, and Peter had come back from assisting Remus Lupin, their werewolf friend, on the night of a full moon.

Sirius gave him a gentle nod before grabbing Peter and heading up to the boy's dormitories.

"Hey, Lily."

She visibly jumped.

"Oh, James, I didn't see you there."

He hadn't missed the fact that she had called him James.

He took a deep breath before speaking.

"Lily," he started, "I need to talk to you."

A fleeting look of fear marred her face, but it passed so quickly, he could have imagined it.

"James," she interrupted, "I know what you're going to say."

"Oh." He felt his heart begin to sink down into his stomach.

"I'm sorry, James, but you can't change the way you feel."

He swallowed hard as she turned and headed up the stairs to the girl's dormitories.

"Neither can I!" he shouted after her before falling back into the sofa, where he would remain the rest of the night.

**(-o.o)- -(o.o)- -(o.o-)**

_But you can't tell me this ain't real_  
'_Cause this is real  
(And you would see right through that)_

**(-o.o)- -(o.o)- -(o.o-)**

As he had gotten to know her better over the years, he began to understand why she rejected him that night.

She was afraid of being left alone.

Somehow along the way she had picked up the idea that all of James' efforts were only for the thrill of the chase. That as soon as he had her, he would let her go.

That, of course, was far from the truth.

He loved her, yes, loved her, and he wasn't afraid to admit it... at least not to himself.

Now, if he could gather the courage to tell _her_ what he constantly told _himself_, maybe things would be different.

**(-o.o)- -(o.o)- -(o.o-)**

_Now you've got me watching your eyes  
(Watching just to see, watching just to see)  
Got me waiting just see  
(If you ever look at me)  
If it goes the way it never will  
(When will it go, will it ever go my way?)_

**(-o.o)- -(o.o)- -(o.o-)**

He constantly watched her.

He loved to watch her.

It was the only way he could feel connected with her.

He especially loved to watch her eyes.

The bottle green eyes were always so full of vivacity and emotion.

But he was never very good at reading emotions.

Still, it didn't stop him from constantly trying to catch her gaze, trying to decipher the passion hidden behind those heavily veiled orbs.

It would be easier, though, if she would just _look_ at him.

She hadn't looked him in the eye since last year.

Her eyes were always directed somewhere around his eyebrows.

She didn't know it, but that hurt him more than anything.

**(-o.o)- -(o.o)- -(o.o-)**

_Your eyes are watching me  
And I hope my words will get through_  
'_Cause now I can't forget you  
I want to tell you  
If only I could reach you_  
_And make you feel this way_

**(-o.o)- -(o.o)- -(o.o-)**

He felt her eyes on the side of his head, but he kept walking.

Patrols always killed him.

Not the actual patrolling part, but the part that forced him to be within a four-foot radius of Lily for a straight hour.

"James."

Her voice was soft and unsure. It wasn't something he was used to.

He questioned her with his eyes, knowing this was the first time they had made proper eye contact in nearly a year.

She stopped walking and looked away.

"What's wrong, Lily?" he asked tenderly, lifting her face up to meet his again.

She was crying. He felt his stomach jump. He had never been good with crying girls, much less crying Lilys.

"I'm so sorry, James."

Her voice was barely a whisper.

"For what?"

"You can't change the way you feel."

The words tore at him.

"Lily-" he started, but she cut him off.

"James, I've tried too long to change how I feel. I can't do it. I'm sorry," her voice faded off and broke into a sob.

James felt like crying himself. It killed him to see her so torn up because she couldn't make herself love him.

"Lily," he choked, "You're absolutely right. You can't change the way you feel, and I could never change the way I feel about you. I'll always love you, Lily."

He started to say something else, but he was cut off again.

This time, though, he didn't really mind being cut off.

Mainly because she cut him off with her lips.

Oh, well, it's not like what he had to say was _that_ important anyway.

**(-o.o)- -(o.o)- -(o.o-)**

_But you said, "You can't change the way you feel"  
(I could never do that, I could never do that)  
_

**(-o.o)- -(o.o)- -(o.o-)**

**A/N: I hope everyone understood what happened at the end... I couldn't think of how to word it right. Basically, Lily was saying that she had been trying to convince herself that she **_**didn't**_** love him when she did. This song really makes me sad, so I thought the story should have a happy ending! Anyway, happy (almost) Easter! Leave a review and I'll give you my peeps. I can't eat them. :( When are they going to make gelatin-free peeps?**


	11. Faking My Own Suicide

**Disclaimer: The only thing I own is Mycoplasma... and I don't even know what that is. All I know is that it warrants lots of pain and sickness and hospital visits... not something anyone else would want to own. Now Harry Potter on the other hand...**

**(-o.o)- -(o.o)- -(o.o-)**

_So I've made up my mind__I will pretend to leave this world behind__  
And in the end, you'll know I've lied__  
To get your attention  
I'm faking my own suicide_

**(-o.o)- -(o.o)- -(o.o-)**

"Prongs, are you sure this is a good idea?"

James Potter, Sirius Black, and Peter Pettigrew were currently in James' room in the Head's Dormitory.

Yes, it's true, they were one Marauder short... but the reason for that should be obvious. Remus Lupin would never approve of such a harebrained scheme as this.

James Potter was committing suicide.

Well, not really. He was going to _pretend_ to commit suicide.

The plan was to make the love of his life, Lily Evans, believe that he actually _had_ committed suicide, on her behalf, so she would realize that she was truly, madly, deeply in love with James Henry Potter.

"Of course, Wormtail, don't worry about it. This plan is flawless," Sirius Black, also known as Padfoot, reassured him.

"Oi, Pads, almost done that potion?" asked James Potter, or Prongs, impatiently.

"Just about done, mate."

"Good, hand it over."

Wormtail quickly handed Prongs his "suicide note" as he made his way over to his bed.

"Thanks, Wormy."

Quickly after taking the potion Sirius handed him he flopped on the bed unceremoniously and clutched the note in his hand.

The potion quickly took effect and he ceased breathing.

"Are you sure we didn't kill him, Padfoot?"

"Stop being such a worry wart, Wormtail. He'll wake up in a few hours."

Of course, Remus Lupin chose this moment to walk through the door.

"Hey, M-Moony," Wormtail stuttered, "I t-thought you were studying with L-Lily tonight."

"I was," he replied with a slightly worried, slightly confused expression, "But she had to cancel. McGonagall called her in for Head's duties. Has James left yet?"

"Yes! Yes, of _course_ he has!" Padfoot butted in, a bit too enthusiastically, "You know what? Maybe you should go check on him, make sure he got there alright."

Remus pushed Sirius, who was currently trying to push him out the door, off of him and glared at the two boys suspiciously.

"What illegal behavior have you two been up to?"

As they were busy looking innocent and muttering that they had done no harm, Remus quickly glanced at his bed to see Prongs lying motionlessly on it, something clutched in his hand.

"Holy Merlin, did you guys _kill_ him?"

"NO! No, no, no, Moony, my dear friend, you don't understand," Sirius quickly injected, "He's not _actually_ dead, he's _pretending _to be dead."

"So he can win the affection of the elusive Lily Evans!" Peter added, excitedly.

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard," Remus replied after a long moment.

"No, it's not!" Padfoot huffed, indignantly, "It'll work just like this..."

**(-o.o)- -(o.o)- -(o.o-)**

_I wish you thought that I was dead  
So rather than me, you'd be depressed instead_

**(-o.o)- -(o.o)- -(o.o-)**

"Lily, Lily! Come quick!"

"What is it Sirius?" Lily Evans will reply, nervously. "What's wrong?"

"It's Prongs! You have to come quick!"

With a dramatic gasp, she will follow me as quickly as she can to James' room in the Head's Dormitory.

As soon as she sees James Potter's lifeless body sprawled across the bed she will run over and burst into tears.

"What happened to him, Sirius?" She will ask me through the waterfall of tears that will be cascading down her face.

Sadly, I'll hand her a single piece of crumpled paper. The "suicide note".

She'll look down at the sorry piece of paper and run from the room, crying.

I'll look down at the paper on the floor to see eight words scribbled on it.

_Without her love, I would die._

**(-o.o)- -(o.o)- -(o.o-)**

"Sirius, that's six words."

"Not if you count the punctuation."

"Right..."

"Shut up and let me finish."

**(-o.o)- -(o.o)- -(o.o-)**

_You'll come to the conclusion __  
You've loved me all your days__  
But it's too late  
Too late for you to say_

**(-o.o)- -(o.o)- -(o.o-)**

"Lily!" Her friends will gasp in their girly dramatic way.

"Whatever is the matter?"

"It's... it's... James. He's _dead_!" And then she'll burst into a _new_ waterfall of tears.

"But, Lily," her friends will say, "I thought you hated James!"

"I thought I did too," she will sigh dramatically, "But now I realize I love him, more than anything!"

"Aw, Lily..." her friends will chorus as she continues to weep dramatically.

"But, it's too late now," she will sniffle, "He's gone... forever!" Cue more dramatic weeping.

**(-o.o)- -(o.o)- -(o.o-)**

"Sirius, if I have to hear the word 'dramatic' again, I might strangle you."

"QUIET! I'm not done yet!"

"Yeah," Wormtail injected, "He hasn't even gotten to the good part, yet!"

**(-o.o)- -(o.o)- -(o.o-)**

_I'll write you a letter that you'll keep  
Reminding you your love for me  
Is more than six feet deep_

**(-o.o)- -(o.o)- -(o.o-)**

Every night she will stare at the crumpled piece of parchment and weep over it.

She'll continue to weep over it until you can't even see what it says anymore, but it doesn't matter because she'll memorize it.

**(-o.o)- -(o.o)- -(o.o-)**

"Sirius, it's six words. Six very _cliché _words at that. They're not that hard to memorize."

"Shut up, Moony, you're ruining my story!"

**(-o.o)- -(o.o)- -(o.o-)**

_You'll say aloud that you would've been my wife  
Right about that time is when I come back to life  
And let you know; I'd let you know  
That all along I was faking my own suicide_

**(-o.o)- -(o.o)- -(o.o-)**

"Oh, James," she'll sigh over his lifeless body, "I wish I had accepted one of your many date proposals. Actually, forget the dates. We could've run off and gotten married! And we could've had lots of messy-haired babies together! I know you would've liked that..."

And she will break out into tears again, and run off... again.

It is about this time, twelve hours later, that our dear friend, Prongs will wake up and we'll tell him about the success of our well-thought-out plot.

**(-o.o)- -(o.o)- -(o.o-)**

"It doesn't seem like you thought about it at all."

"Shut up, Moony, he's getting to the best part!"

"Yeah, shut up, Moony, I'm getting to the best part!"

**(-o.o)- -(o.o)- -(o.o-)**

_I'll walk in that room and see your eyes open so wide  
Open so wide  
Because you know  
Because you know you will never leave my side  
Until the day that I die for the first time  
And we'll laugh, yeah, we'll laugh and we will cry  
So overjoyed with our love that's so alive  
Our love is so alive_

**(-o.o)- -(o.o)- -(o.o-)**

Our dear Prongsie-poo will walk into her Head Girl room, and see her crying.

He'll walk over and gently, oh-so gently, touch her shoulder.

She'll spin around and lock eyes with his hazel ones, and throw herself at him.

Then, they'll shag like rabbits and live happily ever after.

THE END!

**(-o.o)- -(o.o)- -(o.o-)**

"That's bloody ridiculous, Padfoot."

"No, it's not! Wormtail, go hide him somewhere so he can't ruin our plan! I'm going to go get Lily."

**(-o.o)- -(o.o)- -(o.o-)**

"Potter, you arrogant prick!"

The sound of a slap resounded through the whole Head's common room, reaching the ears of two boys crouched behind a couch.

"Told you it wouldn't work," said one Remus Lupin, currently bound and gagged, laying on the floor behind the two boys.

"Shut up."

A/N: I'm sorry... it got a bit rushed at the end. That's because I have to write a story in one sitting (I don't know why... I can't split it into two or I lose my train of thought) and I started to feel really sick so I just kind of... ended it.

**Anyone know what Mycoplasma is? Apparently, I've been in and out of the hospital twice because of it, and I'm missing the last week of the quarter in school, which is never good.**

**Leave a review and make me feel better. I hear reviews fight off Mycoplasma. :)**

**Oh, by the way, just in case you didn't catch it, don't flame me because Lily was OOC... she was supposed to be. This is Sirius, remember?  
**


	12. Hyakugojyuuichi

**Disclaimer: I wish I were J.K. Rowling. I also wish I were Neil Cicierega because then, not only would I own Lemon Demon, but I would also own Potter Puppet Pals and the stupid little animation this song was based off of. (I seriously just figured out like a week ago that the Neil from Lemon Demon is the same Neil that made PPP... am I slow or did I just teach you a new fact?)**

**Dedication: Everyone who's been with me in this from the beginning.**

**Okay... just as a warning... this is going to make absolutely no sense and it'll probably be OOC, but can you really blame me? This whole song is total nonsense. I'm glaring at you, Tonksy. Oh yes, I'm glaring.**

**I replaced the members of the band with Marauders. Fun, fun? I kept their original names though for the sake of rhyming. Heh.**

**Neil: James**

**Aaron: Remus**

**Shmorky: Sirius**

**Zander: Peter**

**(I left out Toxic because all he says is gibberish... literally.)**

**Okay... here goes...**

**(-o.o)- -(o.o)- -(o.o-)**

_Hey you, sit down and listen  
Don't be flippant and don't be dismissin'_

**(-o.o)- -(o.o)- -(o.o-)**

"Attention everybody! Attention!"

A groan forced its way out of seventeen-year-old Lily Evan's mouth. What in the name of Merlin did Potter want now?

"Alright! We Marauders have a little lesson for you today..."

**(-o.o)- -(o.o)- -(o.o-)**

_Think you're a Flash encyclopedia?__  
Eating breathing macromedia?__  
Think you're cool saying "All your base"?  
Get that Xiao Xiao out of my face  
You've got to be kidding me with that crap  
Animutation's where it's at_

**(-o.o)- -(o.o)- -(o.o-)**

"For all you Muggleborn and Halfblood witches and wizards who think you know it all and all you ignorant Purebloods who will have no idea what I'm talking about," Sirius Black, James Potter's counterpart, continued, "You shall be amazed."

"Yes!" Potter joined in, linking arms with his counterpart as they stood on the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall, "Forget crappy Japanese video games with even crappier translators! Forget animated stick figures that get entertainment out of practically killing each other!"

The two were totally oblivious to the confused looks of pretty much everyone in the Great Hall, or at least it seemed that way.

Both boys joined together at this time and chorused, "We present to you... the animutation of the century... HYAKUGOJYUUICHI!"

**(-o.o)- -(o.o)- -(o.o-)**

_Nine out of ten sociopaths agree__  
You've got to see Hyakugojyuuichi  
From the Moch to the Rie to the Pee to the Wee  
Just take it from me, MC NC  
You won't believe your eyes  
You'll go insane  
I mean, what's up with that plastic plane?  
You're an idiot if you disagree  
You've got to see Hyakugojyuuichi!_

**(-o.o)- -(o.o)- -(o.o-)**

With a flourish of their wands, a giant muggle-like projector descended from the ceiling of the Great Hall and all went dark.

Ignoring the incessant murmuring of the confused students and the indignant yelp coming from Professor McGonagall, another flick of the wand revealed a video.

Not just any video, mind you.

Lily could swear she was scarred for life.

_I guess _this_ is what an "animutation" is._

It was a jumble of nonsense that Lily could _swear_ had a deeper meaning that any others could comprehend.

There just _had_ to be a reason for that plastic plane!

And what about the head of a boy that looked incredibly suspiciously like James?

_Potter. I mean Potter._

**(-o.o)- -(o.o)- -(o.o-)**

_If you've got the time, go grab a pen__  
And watch that thing again and again  
Try and figure it out, what does it mean?  
What's the significance of Mr. Bean?  
Does anybody know? Are there any takers?  
What's up with all the broken pacemakers?  
This world is full of speculation  
But nobody cracks this animutation_

**(-o.o)- -(o.o)- -(o.o-)**

Lily Evans was more frustrated than she had ever been in her entire life.

Her hair was a mess, and it hung limply down her back.

Her eyes were dull and red-rimmed.

Her skin was pale and stretched over her face.

She hadn't been eating or sleeping.

Her friends were starting to worry.

What was the cause of all this pain and frustration, you ask?

Hyakugojyuuichi.

She simply _couldn't_ get it out of her mind.

There just _had_ to be an explanation for the madness.

Alice Prewitt decided that she had had enough.

"Lily Evans."

"Quiet, Alice, I'm thinking!"

Lily Evans was currently sprawled out across the floor of her bedroom in the Head's Common Room. In front of her, a pad of muggle paper and pensieve. In her hand, a very, _very_ worn out quill.

"You know, Lily," Alice suggested hesitantly, "If you _really_ want to find out this... er... 'deeper meaning'... you _could_ try... spying on the Marauders. They _did_ after all, make this, erm, 'animutation'."

Lily's head snapped up so quickly and the look on her face was so intense, Alice had to take several steps back.

"Um, I'm sorry. It was... just a suggestion, after all..."

"Alice! You're a genius!" Lily exclaimed, interrupting Alice's hesitant apology.

"What?"

"I'll see you around. Got to go. Thanks!" Lily practically yelled, running out of the room and kissing Alice roughly on the cheek in her haste.

"I worry about her sometimes..." Alice muttered to herself.

**:Remus:**

_Wakeman is biased like a household appliance  
Hello Kitty and McGruff have an unholy alliance  
Science is brutal and it cuts like a knife  
Not even Obi-Wan could save the yodel of life_

**:Remus:**

Lily carefully snuck into the Boy's Dormitory, careful not to make any noises or be seen.

Remus was there, alone.

There was soft muggle music coming from a small radio in the corner of the room. How they managed to get it to work on Hogwarts grounds, Lily would never know.

"REDUCTO!"

The sudden spell shot at the radio, which was currently playing a song by a muggle artist called Rick Wakeman, caused her to jump and nearly give herself away.

"Stupid biased muggle..." Remus began muttering to himself.

Lily didn't pick up on much else of his muttering other than that she should beware Hello Kitty and Scruff McGruff. Apparently they were after the "yodel of life" and not even Obi-Wan could save it.

Lily was scared. This unholy alliance between Hello Kitty and McGruff seemed to her like a bigger threat than Voldemort himself.

**:Remus:**

_Your name is Bob  
You're my heartthrob_

**:Remus:**

Lily watched curiously as he picked up a cookie and cradled it tenderly.

"Oh, Bob, I promise we'll get through this."

Remus held up the cookie to his ear like it was speaking to him.

"I _know_ you love her, but she stands no chance! Not even Obi-Wan can save her now!"

Apparently Bob the cookie was in love with the "yodel of life" who was apparently female.

"Maybe you should consider _my_ feelings for once, Bob."

Again, he held the cookie up to his ear.

"You _know_ what I'm talking about, honey! I _love _you!"

After a while of arguing his feelings with the cookie, Remus gave up and threw it aside.

**:Remus:**

_I lost my job when I got fired__  
By a guy named Farchie__  
He was full of starch  
He smelled like an orangutan's old apartment_

**:Remus:**

Remus continued talking to the cookie as it lay on its spot on the windowsill where Remus threw it.

"You know, I lost my job a few days ago. Yup, you should feel sorry for me.

"Who fired me, you ask? His name was _Farchie_. Farchie! He must have weighed a thousand pounds or so. He was probably full of starch.

"To make it worse, he smelled bad. Not bad, _terrible._ He smelled like of like an orangutan. No, not even that. An orangutan's apartment. An orangutan's _old_ apartment."

Lily couldn't see the bad thing about being fired from this particular job. She wondered vaguely what it was.

**:Remus:**

_Found a hobo in my room  
What do I do?  
He looks dead; he's full of lead  
Bleeding red onto my bedspread  
And he also seems to be missing his head_

**:Remus:**

After Remus ceased talking to his cookie friend and shut himself in the bathroom, Lily deemed it safe to wander into the room and explore.

It didn't take her long to discover a very large red stain on one of the beds.

_What's this?_

She immediately jumped back.

There was an unidentified dead man lying on the bed Lily had identified as Remus'.

_This can't be good..._

"Lily?" the startled voice of Remus Lupin came, scaring Lily half out of her wits. "What are you doing in here?"

"Remus," Lily said, slowly, ignoring Remus' inquiry, "What's this?"

Remus made his way over to his bed, where she was standing and pulled back the hangings.

He gasped at the sight of the body on his bed.

"Lily, I think you need to leave."

**:Remus:**

_Why am I holding this gun and axe?  
Do exploding pacemakers cause heart attacks?  
Will Mr. Bean ever get his fill?  
Or will he just keep on telling me to kill?_

**:Remus:**

"Remus?" she asked, slightly frantic, "What's going on?"

"I-I'm not sure..." he replied, subtly kicking an axe under his bed."

"Remus!" she cried out, "What's that?!"

"Listen Lily," he tried to explain, calmly, "Sometimes Mr. Bean gets a _little_ out of control..."

"Who's Mr. Bean?" she continued frantically.

"No one you need to worry about..." he muttered, pushing her out of the door.

Lily quickly scribbled down notes including things like Mr. Bean, Bob, and this "yodel of life" on her way out.

**:James:**

_Hey, don't you give me that look  
You never had what it took  
I took the beef and I beefed it up  
You sat and whined while I took the cup of gold_

**:James:**

"Oi, you!"

Lily knew that voice anywhere.

_Potter._

After a moment of careful thought, she decided that she could use this moment to her advantage.

She sidled the wall and peeked around the corner to watch the scene unfold before her.

Potter was standing not three feet away from a terrified-looking first year.

"Don't look at me that way!"

"W-What way?" the shaken first year stuttered.

"Like you think you could be in my place?"

The poor first year looked utterly confused.

"You don't have what it _takes_ to be _the_ James Potter."

She had always known he was arrogant but _this_ was a bit too far.

Still, for the sake of research, she stayed hidden, wand in hand just in case things got a bit _too_ out of hand.

**:James:**

_You were getting old__  
When you see this face you better fold  
Take this mop and shove it, boy  
_'_Cause it's the only way you'll be employed_

**:James:**

"_Accio Mop!_"

The spell caught her off guard.

She quickly ducked to avoid getting head taken off by the mop that just flew out of the nearby broom cupboard.

"Go find Filch, kid. It's the only way you'll get out alive this year."

With those final words, he ran off, using his robes as a vampire cloak, leaving the terrified and utterly confused first year standing there, mop in hand.

**:Sirius:**

_Weeeeell, I'm Shmorky! Eatin' porky!  
Whitey rap sure sounds dorky_

**:Sirius:**

"Heya, Lily-kins, what you up to?"

Sirius Black's voice cut into her thoughts and she quickly hid the notebook she was currently scribbling in.

"Nothing, Black. Don't you have other business to attend to?"

"Lily, my love, you wound me. I'll have you know that I would like _nothing_ better than to spend time with my best friend's future wife. Besides, that seemed like a pretty quick 'nothing'... I'm sure it's worth hanging around."

Now, Lily wasn't the top student in almost all of her classes for nothing. She knows an opportunity when she sees one.

"Actually, Sirius," she began charmingly, looking up at him through her eyelashes, "I have a favor to ask of you."

"Anything my dear Lily-poo!"

She resisted the urge to chew him out for the use of this revolting nickname and continued.

"You see," she pressed, nauseating herself in the process, "I'm doing a survey of the most... _idolized _people in this school... find out who they really are, you know? Would you mind... telling me a bit about yourself?" she finished, trying her hardest to appear alluring.

"Of course, Lily, m'dear!" he exclaimed cheerfully.

Great, his ego probably went up about ten points. Seriously, he rivaled James Potter in the ego field.

And so he began to ramble... and Lily began to take notes.

"I like pork. You should try it. I know you're a vegetable and all..."

"What?" she interrupted.

"A vegetable."

"You mean... vegetarian?" she responded, trying her hardest not to laugh.

"Sure, sure. Anyway, just last night I had a _brilliant_ piece of pork. His name was Porky. Porky Pig."

"Wait, wait, wait," she said, interrupting him again, "You _named_ it? That's terrible! How could you eat something with a _name_?"

"Oi vey, calm down. Not all of us have our anal 'I don't eat anything that was once living' rules. Besides, I have a newsflash for you, Lily-kins; vegetables were once living too! You're killing the plants, so why not the animals?"

"Let's move away from my eating habits and focus on something different, shall we?" she snapped. She didn't like being bested, especially by Sirius Black.

"What could possibly be more interesting than your eating habits, Lily, my love?" he responded slyly, smirk in place.

Lily bit her tongue to keep herself from hexing him. She needed this information, after all.

"How about your music habits? What kind of music do you like?"

This might give her a clue as to what _exactly_ Hyakugojyuuichi really is.

"Well, I do fancy myself a die-hard Celestina Warbeck fan."

Shocker.

"I don't understand how you muggle type people get along with your muggle type music!" he continued fervently, "I mean what is _up_ with that whitey rap? It has _got_ to be the dorkiest thing I've ever heard!"

Lily bit her lip to keep from laughing as she wrote down the given information. Not many put themselves through listening to _that_.

**:Sirius:**

_Got a girl__  
She's a double D  
I slap her butt dressed as a bumblebee_

**:Sirius:**

"So what about your dating habits?" she asked, just in case Sirius was secretly in love with Bob the cookie as well, "Who's your, let's say, 'flavor of the week'?"

"Oh! Clarissa Stephens, the fifth year! Have you heard of her?"

Honestly, she hadn't. But she pretended she had for his sake.

"Of course, of course! Go on," she replied enthusiastically.

"She's a double D."

Lily mentally rolled her eyes.

"And?" she inquired politely.

"That's about it," he said, obliviously.

"There's nothing else about her that makes her special?" Lily inquired patiently.

"Nope."

She was expecting that.

"Oh, wait!" he gasped. She could almost see the light bulb flash over his head as the epiphany dawned upon him.

Sirius having an epiphany? About a _girl_? Did he actually care about something other than boob size?

"She has this incredibly delicious and sexy little bumblebee outfit."

She silently berated herself for getting her hopes up and drowned out Sirius talking about everything he does to his 'girlfriend' while she's in her bumblebee outfit.

She didn't think it was too important to figuring out the mystery of Hyakugojyuuichi.

**:Sirius:**

_I eat paste all damn day  
I was in a Shakespeare play  
I sit down on a lazy suzan  
Spin around like Tommy Cruisin'_

**:Sirius:**

"Anyway," she interrupted after about five minutes of polite zoning out, "Why don't you tell us something interesting about you? Just name random facts I wouldn't know."

"Hmm, let's see," he said thoughtfully, well, as thoughtfully as Sirius could be, "I have a fascination with Muggle paste."

"Is that so?" Lily asked, genuinely curious but partially scared.

"Yes. I like to eat it," he said matter-of-factly.

"Right..."

"You should try it sometime," he suggested.

"I have," Lily stated, "When I was like, five. I never touched it again."

"Oh," Sirius replied, a tad put out.

"Anyway," he continued as if nothing happened, "I was in a play once."

"Really?" Lily asked, shocked. Sirius didn't seem like he was one for the arts.

"Yup!" he responded, joyfully, "It was Shakespeare!"

"Honestly? Which one?" she asked excitedly, scratching hurriedly in her notebook. She was what some would call a theatre nerd and harbored a certain passion for the classics.

"_The Tempest_," he affirmed proudly, "I was the sound effects guy!"

Again, Lily berated herself for hoping.

"Sound effects guy?" she asked, weakly.

"Yup!" he went on cheerfully, obviously oblivious to her disappointment, "I got to make lots of thunder noises and rain patter! Would you like to hear me?"

"No, no, that's quite alright..." she tried to say, but he was already making thundering noises and 'rain patters' with his feet.

"Sirius, SIRIUS!" she screamed breaking through the noise.

"Yes?" he asked confusedly.

"How about you tell me some other facts?"

"Have you ever sat on a lazy suzan?"

"Um, no?" she responded hesitantly.

"You should! It's a blast!"

This kid was obviously ADD. She wrote this down in her notebook.

"Is it, now?" she replied uninterestedly.

"Yes."

He obviously wasn't going to say much more on the matter, so she moved on.

**:Sirius:**

_Bong Bong Bing Bing  
I get paid to play with my thing  
I zip out, zip in, zip up, begin!_

**:Sirius:**

"What else is there to know about you?"

He looked around conspiringly before whispering in her ear, "Sometimes, I get payed to play with me... you know."

"Okay, I _didn't_ need to know that."

"Why?" he responded slyly, "Jealous? You're welcome to watch, if you want. Only five galleons, and I _swear_ I won't tell Jamesy-poo." He whispered that last part with a conspiring grin on his face.

"No, thank you." she declined, as politely as possible. She _did_ want him to keep talking, after all.

"So, Sirius," she pried, "Indulge me on some more of your secrets of life."

He was silent for a moment before breaking out into a fit of randomness.

"Room with a MOOSE! Jay Leno's CHIN! Ambulance, Enron, Peewee, Pokémon, Bulbasaur, Pikachu, Jigglypuff, THEY CHOOSE YOU! I can't think of anymore to say."

With this he ran off, presumably to the Gryffindor common room.

**(-o.o)- -(o.o)- -(o.o-)**

_TV says doughnuts are high in fat, kazoo  
Found a hobo in my room  
It's Princess Leia, the yodel of life  
Give me my sweater back, or I'll play the guitar!_

**(-o.o)- -(o.o)- -(o.o-)**

When Lily finally made her way back to the Gryffindor common room and crawled through the portrait hole, she was met with utter chaos.

It seemed as though the Marauders had finally lost their sanity... wholly, anyway. Lily was sure they had always been lacking in that area... especially after her little visit with Remus.

On the far side of the room, James was wrestling a doughnut away from a poor terrified little second-year girl... with a bright pink and green kazoo in his mouth.

"What are you doing eating _those_?!" he managed to grunt out through his kazoo, "Doughnuts are way too high in fat for a pretty little girl like _you_ to be eating! You don't want to turn out like..." here he snuck a furtive glance at his friend and whispered his name before continuing, "Peter... do you?"

The girl furiously shook her head and shoved her doughnut toward James who immediately chucked it in the fire.

On the other side of the room, Sirius was currently interrogating poor Remus as to why there was a dead body in their bedroom. As soon as Remus mentioned Mr. Bean, though, he backed off with a strange mixture of pity and fear plastered on his face.

Out of the blue, a crazed fourth year girl ran up and snatched James' sweater out from under his arm!

"I got it, I got it!" she screeched, quite literally, as her friends squealed with excitement.

"Oi!" James shouted, affronted, "Give that back!"

"Why should I?" the girl asked evilly, her eyes glinting evilly and her friends cackling maniacally in the background.

"Because, if you don't, I'll play the guitar," he threatened.

Now, to an outsider, this would be a meaningless threat. Maybe it would even be appealing to one who has heard the stories of James' incredible hotness.

But, any sensible Hogwarts student knew to avoid James and his guitar at all costs... because there was absolutely nothing hot about it.

In fact, it was deafening, and he knew it.

The girl screeched, again, quite literally, and threw the sweater back at him.

Then, as if he had just noticed she was in the room, James bounded up to her screaming "Lily!" and practically attacked her with a hug.

"What in the name of _Merlin_ do you think you're doing, Potter?" she asked harshly, trying to ignore the heat rising to her cheeks for some unexplained reason.

"You're alive! Don't worry, Lily! I'll protect you!"

"Potter!" she cried out as he pushed her roughly behind him and stood in front of her, holding a sword he had just conjured, "What are you doing?"

"It's my duty to protect the yodel of life, my love. You're the Princess Leia to my Luke Skywalker, babe!"

Lily stood there for a moment processing it all.

"Wait, _I'm_ the yodel of life?"

"Yes," he stated simply, not understanding her confusion.

One could practically hear the cogs in her head turning vigorously.

"You mean a _cookie_ is love with me?!" she cried, indignantly.

"Ssh!" he hushed her furiously, "Remus is sensitive about that!"

"What on _Earth_ is going on in here?"

The shrill voice of Professor McGonagall quieted the entire common room instantaneously.

It was a few seconds before anyone could respond.

Remus, being the brave soul that he is, stepped up.

"One fifty one Pokémon on the run. Suzuki-san is the formation of a bun and a veggie burger with tsukemono. Jay-Jay has flown away with Sonny Bono to the after-life to visit Barney Feif and to see Pero's screenshots of his wife named Chris Benoit wearing a pretty dress, saying 'Watashi wa animutation ga suki desu.' Lucky Lucky nice to Mew Two. I need tea for two, how about you, Mr. Coldheart, or should I say professor?"

"Of course, Remus." And with that, the two exited the common room, apparently to the kitchens for a spot of tea.

Lily could only gape.

Had everyone in Hogwarts completely lost their mind?

"Looks like Lesko got revenge on my dresser..." Remus was heard saying as he climbed through the portrait hole.

"So..." Lily said awkwardly, "I'm the yodel of life, eh? And you're my 'noble protector'?"

"Yes," James affirmed.

"And how do I know you'll do your job?"

"That's easy!" Peter, usually quiet, butted in to everyone's surprise.

Suddenly, the usually bright common room light was replaced with almost complete blackness.

It was almost complete because a spotlight landed on Peter, who had suddenly acquired muggle sunglasses and microphone.

The stunned silence was broken by him beginning to rap.

"Props to James (Neil), he's the real deal.  
His friends all call him Mr. Popiel.  
He's the computer geek who doesn't shower for a week.  
His looks are hot; his clothes are CHIC!  
He single-handedly changed the interface of the net.  
He's an online semi-celebrity you won't forget.  
He stormed on the scene like a raging thunder.  
His seizure-inducing flag says 'Mr. Gahbunga'."

Sure enough, when the lights came back on, James was standing there, in all his glory, underneath a _very_ seizure-inducing flag.

It was composed of all neon colors and shiny sequins and Remus must have charmed it so that the letters 'Mr. Gahbunga' flashed in rapid patterns of bright colors.

When Lily fell asleep that night, she fell asleep a changed woman.

She had finally found out the deeper meaning of Hyakugojyuuichi.

The deeper meaning?

Well, the Marauders were all insane and seemed to get entertainment out of giving innocent student seizures.

**(-o.o)- -(o.o)- -(o.o-)**

_There you have it; that's the game  
151 we can all be the same  
I'm sure that it's been appetizing  
With all the subliminal advertising  
This has been a celebration  
Animutation fans across the nation in formation  
Raise their hands in dedication  
To the crazy flashing psychopathic happy dancing super magic  
Power mega ultra kitschy HYAKUGOJYUUICHI!_

**(-o.o)- -(o.o)- -(o.o-)**

**A/N: DUDE. 17 pages, man. That's more than I've ever written in my entire _life_. No lie.**

**Anyway, can you believe it's over? Yes, I did have the characters say some parts of the song, but that's legal.**

**But, while we're on the topic of subliminal advertising... GO TO YOUTUBE. LOOK UP FIVEAWESOMEENTITIES. You _know_ you want to. :) Or at least watch the Wednesday videos... that's my day. Teehee.**

**More subliminal advertising? REVIEW PLEASE! Okay, so I'm not very subtle. But you can still review, right?**


End file.
